i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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