it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
