You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize