His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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