Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
