I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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