bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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