smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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