Who did Billy Mays play for?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
