he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
