Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
