I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
