I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
