Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
