You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
