How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
