Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I supernannyed him into submission
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