ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
