is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
