Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize