His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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