In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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