A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
