so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize