My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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