So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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