my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
