a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
