i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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