The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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