My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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