dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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