It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
