I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
