Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
