I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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