you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
