Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
