I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
