hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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