I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
