you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize