he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
