Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
