my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
