You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
