the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
