im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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