Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
