So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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