i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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