I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Naked Twister starts at high noon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
pray to the hookup gods
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
