i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
