she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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