if i can run in heels then i can drive
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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