sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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