Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
