and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
