Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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