I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
