Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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