Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
