Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
