You can't motorboat a personality
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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