Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
