I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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