You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
