Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize