Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
