True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
