I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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