kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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