so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
