her vagine was all disorganized.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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