My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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