3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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