Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
