she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
